I appreciate your honesty about the challenges of facing grief as a family. It’s a reminder that healing is a personal journey, even when shared with loved ones.🙏🏼♥️
Absolutely. Interestingly, it often feels like both things at once, entirely personal and also shared. It's always weird how to seemingly contradictory things can live together in our bodies.
That was so beautifully written. I find it hard to say anything more about it. It's too "real" and "raw" to give myself permission to have any sort of opinion or make a comment on it.
My therapist told me recently that crying alone was neutral at best.... The research shows that crying with someone who attunes to you increases the value exponentially. Of course, you know that. I found that interesting. I have shed many tears in his office over the years.
Anniversary grief is a thing...yes. I start to feel it ahead of time. Sometimes I feel sad ahead of time and am not sure why, and then I remember. And yes, I, too, find the buildup is "worse" than the day itself. One year i planned so many activities that I crashed for a couple of days after the anniversary.
I used to call it "the October-almost November" feeling. Now the anniversaries/birthdays (which are also significant days)for me start in August and go through Jan. I am always glad to reach Jan. 6, my brother's birthday. I never know how I am going to feel, if I will get teary, weep, or just enjoy the day. I almost always go out in nature. I love the beauty of fall and am grateful for it. I let it be what ever it will be and keep the day free.
OK, I should copy these things I write in response to your posts so I can incorporate some of them in my story.
So I agree with all you have said. Keep writing. I'll keep reading.
Just for the record, may treasure your responses. Thank you for sharing yourself here, there is something so meaningful and having someone walk beside you.
Holding the not knowing what grief will require and allowing what it asks for when it does feels so honoring to its depth. I appreciate your sharing, the life shattering loss and aftermath. Sometimes it’s easy to forget professionals who shepherd us hold so much themselves.
Thank you for this beautiful comment. I kept in so much for so long, and it is only through sharing that I realize not only how unnecessary it was, but how much connection it cost. Thank you for showing up here, it means more than you know.
As difficult as this article must have been to write, it felt warm and compassionate and deeply caring. And I think you're right, carrying the grief together, regardless of how she shows up or what she asks of you each year, seems the most respectful way to travel through it. Respectful for all of you and for those you all lost.
All of your pieces on grief are really beautiful. The power of anticipation as does the willingness to sit with it. Grief, to me, is the ultimate challenge for me in thinking about how the work doesn’t begin until there is nothing you can do. There’s really nothing to do with grief but experience it when you’re ready and able to hold it. Thanks for sharing
I have absolutely found that to be true, though I have also spent a lot of time trying to avoid it and run from it. It just never works, and ultimately there was healing in accepting that.
Such a terrible tragedy. Yours was such a huge sudden shock and grief, an impossible partnership. But in time you learn there is no answer to grief just acceptance.
Correct on all levels. Your words mean a lot, especially now that I have started reading your work as well. I'm very happy to be in this community with you.
To say I am sorry for your unimaginable loss feels so inadequate. Your words 'What changes is not its presence, but our willingness to stay with it and to meet it where it is' resonate. I have slowly, and often reluctantly, learned over the years to do that. Each anniversary carries echoes of the last but is never the same. Thank you this.
And thank you for this. Whatever or whoever you are grieving, I am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing this with me.
A very relatable read, thank you for this. January is hard for me personally with my late dad's birthday falling in the middle of this dark, cold month.
I'm so sorry this tragedy happened in your life! Grief is invisible, heavy, and a suffering of the soul. Trauma-grief feels the same as regular grief but different too. I believe PTSD-grief is something that is real.
Your writing has beautifully captured how grief triggers responses in the mind, body, and soul. Peace, comfort, and healing to you and your family 💜☮️
I appreciate your honesty about the challenges of facing grief as a family. It’s a reminder that healing is a personal journey, even when shared with loved ones.🙏🏼♥️
Absolutely. Interestingly, it often feels like both things at once, entirely personal and also shared. It's always weird how to seemingly contradictory things can live together in our bodies.
That was so beautifully written. I find it hard to say anything more about it. It's too "real" and "raw" to give myself permission to have any sort of opinion or make a comment on it.
Wow, I know you know, but I so appreciate your being here.
My therapist told me recently that crying alone was neutral at best.... The research shows that crying with someone who attunes to you increases the value exponentially. Of course, you know that. I found that interesting. I have shed many tears in his office over the years.
Anniversary grief is a thing...yes. I start to feel it ahead of time. Sometimes I feel sad ahead of time and am not sure why, and then I remember. And yes, I, too, find the buildup is "worse" than the day itself. One year i planned so many activities that I crashed for a couple of days after the anniversary.
I used to call it "the October-almost November" feeling. Now the anniversaries/birthdays (which are also significant days)for me start in August and go through Jan. I am always glad to reach Jan. 6, my brother's birthday. I never know how I am going to feel, if I will get teary, weep, or just enjoy the day. I almost always go out in nature. I love the beauty of fall and am grateful for it. I let it be what ever it will be and keep the day free.
OK, I should copy these things I write in response to your posts so I can incorporate some of them in my story.
So I agree with all you have said. Keep writing. I'll keep reading.
Just for the record, may treasure your responses. Thank you for sharing yourself here, there is something so meaningful and having someone walk beside you.
Holding the not knowing what grief will require and allowing what it asks for when it does feels so honoring to its depth. I appreciate your sharing, the life shattering loss and aftermath. Sometimes it’s easy to forget professionals who shepherd us hold so much themselves.
Thank you for this beautiful comment. I kept in so much for so long, and it is only through sharing that I realize not only how unnecessary it was, but how much connection it cost. Thank you for showing up here, it means more than you know.
"Holding the not knowing what grief will require and allowing what it asks..." these words are profound.
As difficult as this article must have been to write, it felt warm and compassionate and deeply caring. And I think you're right, carrying the grief together, regardless of how she shows up or what she asks of you each year, seems the most respectful way to travel through it. Respectful for all of you and for those you all lost.
Thank you for this beautiful response.
All of your pieces on grief are really beautiful. The power of anticipation as does the willingness to sit with it. Grief, to me, is the ultimate challenge for me in thinking about how the work doesn’t begin until there is nothing you can do. There’s really nothing to do with grief but experience it when you’re ready and able to hold it. Thanks for sharing
I have absolutely found that to be true, though I have also spent a lot of time trying to avoid it and run from it. It just never works, and ultimately there was healing in accepting that.
That’s part of grief too! Sometimes we just need a break and an escape, but once we’re ready, sitting with it is probably essential.
When I hoard my grief it festers,
feeling hollowed out deep inside, to despondency.
When I create a physical activity
the action I take is dedicated to my beloved.
When we lend rituals to grief
we’re providing structure for sharing
creating a container that those physically absent
may see and applaud even from the other side.
I believe in writing love-letters to those I miss.
Not necessarily to be mailed, rather,
to be savored as a loving memory.
I love this and I love the idea of writing love letters to those we lost.
I, too, write letters sometimes to those I have lost. I love doing it. I did it just recently, and you remind me of the value here.
Such a terrible tragedy. Yours was such a huge sudden shock and grief, an impossible partnership. But in time you learn there is no answer to grief just acceptance.
Correct on all levels. Your words mean a lot, especially now that I have started reading your work as well. I'm very happy to be in this community with you.
And I you. It all helps soften the blow so thank you.
To say I am sorry for your unimaginable loss feels so inadequate. Your words 'What changes is not its presence, but our willingness to stay with it and to meet it where it is' resonate. I have slowly, and often reluctantly, learned over the years to do that. Each anniversary carries echoes of the last but is never the same. Thank you this.
And thank you for this. Whatever or whoever you are grieving, I am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing this with me.
Sitting with it seems the only way through. 🩵 Thank you for this honest reflection.
I'm dreading the first anniversary as I move further away from last summer and feel more grounded than I have ...
The first one was so hard...so much unknown. And, of course, you will find your way through.
A very relatable read, thank you for this. January is hard for me personally with my late dad's birthday falling in the middle of this dark, cold month.
I am sorry for your loss, and I agree something about it being cold and dark really drives grief home.
I'm so sorry this tragedy happened in your life! Grief is invisible, heavy, and a suffering of the soul. Trauma-grief feels the same as regular grief but different too. I believe PTSD-grief is something that is real.
Your writing has beautifully captured how grief triggers responses in the mind, body, and soul. Peace, comfort, and healing to you and your family 💜☮️
Thank you so much for this incredibly caring message. It continues to surprise me how much this community means.