This morning I had a dream about a friend I love dearly. The scene in the dream made me reflect that I must have been jealous of her. I accepted that and I still love her as a dear friend.
I’m sorry, it is so hard to feel like our relationships are not reciprocal. The key is putting in the work in relationships where you feel you are being met too.
So, let’s get real. Putting your inner world online is like running a feelings-themed food truck where every post is a free emotional appetizer, and suddenly your friends are lining up with, “Hey, why does that other person get the special of the day and I am just on the side menu?” It is like an emotional quarterly report where feelings are the new profit margins, and everyone is auditing their place in your heart’s portfolio.
Let’s be honest, FOMO is so 2019. The real pro move is ROMO: relief of missing out. That’s the sweet spot where you are thrilled your friends had fun without you because you got to stay home and bond with your couch. It is like being upgraded to first class on a flight you never had to take. Congratulations, you have unlocked the introvert’s ultimate life hack.
And let’s just roast the whole jealousy thing. Kids are honest: “Back off, that is my best friend.” Adults? We turn into emotional contortionists. “Haha, I am totally fine with you having other friends haha I am not at all reevaluating my entire existence.”
But you nailed it: presence does not divide love, it is the miracle of emotional carb loading. Give a little love, and boom, you have got more in the pantry. If the finance world got that memo, we would all be living in a nicer world with a better snack selection.
So here is the upgrade package: love fiercely, rotate your favorites like you are managing a very dramatic mutual fund, and recognize that a little jealousy is just the price of admission to the “I Actually Care About You” Club.
And if you have ever felt jealous? Congratulations, you are a fully paid-up member of the human race. We all want to be someone’s favorite, and the best part is there is plenty of love to go around. Even if sometimes we would rather be at home in our pajamas, practicing the fine art of ROMO.
Anyway, I love humans, and it continues to be a total nuisance.
I cannot deal with you. And that is meant as a total compliment. This is absolutely hilarious. First, yes Romo is a real phenomenon. I would live in my pajamas on the couch if I could, I just want all my friends to be there with me.
It's your last line that took me down. I love, humans too, and yes, they are a total fucking nuisance!
YEA to all the above - and Especially "I love humans, and it continues to be a total nuisance"! Expanding love to neighbors I see semi-regularly on walks, to watching favorite trees shape shift thru the seasons, inhaling love with every breath.
Over many years I felt jealous of the friendship a close friend had with another person. I found out this year that they aren't nearly as close as I imagined. In fact, they have recently come to me asking for help to repair their relationship. Go figure! Life can be so surprising at times and the story we are telling ourselves can be super skewed! Thanks for sharing your own story. It was good to think through all of this and process a bit of my story too.
Thank you for sharing this, it is a really good reminder. Our feelings do not always feed us "good data." this is something I often forget in my own life, even though I know it in my bones.
I feel this so much with a couple I consider our closest couple friends. They have another couple who they are also close with, and I catch myself thinking how I want to spend more time with them instead and fear they will leave us behind. And yet, they have remained closer than any other friends despite the distance. My own jealousy and fear of losing friendships is a real growth opportunity for me—thank you for sharing this insight.
Absolutely, thank you for commenting. I joke with my friends about my jealousy, it doesn't fester when we name it. And of course, I also want my friends to be happy, hence the term happyjealousy.
"Still, jealousy will always be part of relationships." I hope NOT! As an evolving member of future humanity, I find jealousy to be an absolute evil. I do not allow myself to experience it for more than a moment before ruthlessly plucking it out.
I really appreciate this reflection. What resonates deeply for me is the idea that feelings are messengers from the soul — signals pointing toward something meaningful inside us. I often see jealousy as one of those sparks; a clue toward our heart’s truest desires. When we’re willing to pause, get curious, and look beneath its surface, we can discern:
• Is this desire aligned with my values?
• Does it point to something I want to nurture — deeper connection, authenticity, quality time, freedom?
• Or is it something I can gently release because it’s not actually mine to carry?
To me, the “gift” of jealousy is the information it reveals. But I don’t believe jealousy has to be a permanent fixture in relationships. As we evolve — individually and collectively — we can move toward secure, spacious, authentic bonds that don’t rely on comparison or scarcity.
My hope for future humanity is not that jealousy remains inevitable, but that we learn to tend to it quickly and compassionately. When it arises, I try to acknowledge it, understand the unmet need beneath it, and then let it go before it takes root. I don’t want it living rent-free in my mind, shaping my behaviors, or shrinking the love I have to offer.
Jealousy may visit — but we don’t have to let it move in.
Well, I agree with this thoroughly. I've come to think of all feelings as signals. At least I tried to. They are not necessarily good or bad, just indicators, something to be curious about.
And I don't mean to say that jealousy in friendships is always there. Like all feelings, I think it's normal for jealousy to pop in and visit. Maybe envy would be a better word…
This morning I had a dream about a friend I love dearly. The scene in the dream made me reflect that I must have been jealous of her. I accepted that and I still love her as a dear friend.
Thank you for sharing this, love it.
It's strange how I am always the jealous one. 🙈
You just know your own jealousy, I think most people don't talk about it. They're all jealous:)
No, not all.
Maybe. But I am the one always left behind, always the one putting more effort. Like I never felt or saw anyone acting jealous around me.
I’m sorry, it is so hard to feel like our relationships are not reciprocal. The key is putting in the work in relationships where you feel you are being met too.
So, let’s get real. Putting your inner world online is like running a feelings-themed food truck where every post is a free emotional appetizer, and suddenly your friends are lining up with, “Hey, why does that other person get the special of the day and I am just on the side menu?” It is like an emotional quarterly report where feelings are the new profit margins, and everyone is auditing their place in your heart’s portfolio.
Let’s be honest, FOMO is so 2019. The real pro move is ROMO: relief of missing out. That’s the sweet spot where you are thrilled your friends had fun without you because you got to stay home and bond with your couch. It is like being upgraded to first class on a flight you never had to take. Congratulations, you have unlocked the introvert’s ultimate life hack.
And let’s just roast the whole jealousy thing. Kids are honest: “Back off, that is my best friend.” Adults? We turn into emotional contortionists. “Haha, I am totally fine with you having other friends haha I am not at all reevaluating my entire existence.”
But you nailed it: presence does not divide love, it is the miracle of emotional carb loading. Give a little love, and boom, you have got more in the pantry. If the finance world got that memo, we would all be living in a nicer world with a better snack selection.
So here is the upgrade package: love fiercely, rotate your favorites like you are managing a very dramatic mutual fund, and recognize that a little jealousy is just the price of admission to the “I Actually Care About You” Club.
And if you have ever felt jealous? Congratulations, you are a fully paid-up member of the human race. We all want to be someone’s favorite, and the best part is there is plenty of love to go around. Even if sometimes we would rather be at home in our pajamas, practicing the fine art of ROMO.
Anyway, I love humans, and it continues to be a total nuisance.
I cannot deal with you. And that is meant as a total compliment. This is absolutely hilarious. First, yes Romo is a real phenomenon. I would live in my pajamas on the couch if I could, I just want all my friends to be there with me.
It's your last line that took me down. I love, humans too, and yes, they are a total fucking nuisance!
YEA to all the above - and Especially "I love humans, and it continues to be a total nuisance"! Expanding love to neighbors I see semi-regularly on walks, to watching favorite trees shape shift thru the seasons, inhaling love with every breath.
Amazing how love and frustration live side-by-side.
Over many years I felt jealous of the friendship a close friend had with another person. I found out this year that they aren't nearly as close as I imagined. In fact, they have recently come to me asking for help to repair their relationship. Go figure! Life can be so surprising at times and the story we are telling ourselves can be super skewed! Thanks for sharing your own story. It was good to think through all of this and process a bit of my story too.
Thank you for sharing this, it is a really good reminder. Our feelings do not always feed us "good data." this is something I often forget in my own life, even though I know it in my bones.
I feel this so much with a couple I consider our closest couple friends. They have another couple who they are also close with, and I catch myself thinking how I want to spend more time with them instead and fear they will leave us behind. And yet, they have remained closer than any other friends despite the distance. My own jealousy and fear of losing friendships is a real growth opportunity for me—thank you for sharing this insight.
Absolutely, thank you for commenting. I joke with my friends about my jealousy, it doesn't fester when we name it. And of course, I also want my friends to be happy, hence the term happyjealousy.
I love that mindset - it doesn’t fester when you talk about it.
"Still, jealousy will always be part of relationships." I hope NOT! As an evolving member of future humanity, I find jealousy to be an absolute evil. I do not allow myself to experience it for more than a moment before ruthlessly plucking it out.
We can agree to disagree. I don't think any feelings are evil, they just are. It is what we choose to do with them that can be positive or negative.
We can agree to disagree 👌
I really appreciate this reflection. What resonates deeply for me is the idea that feelings are messengers from the soul — signals pointing toward something meaningful inside us. I often see jealousy as one of those sparks; a clue toward our heart’s truest desires. When we’re willing to pause, get curious, and look beneath its surface, we can discern:
• Is this desire aligned with my values?
• Does it point to something I want to nurture — deeper connection, authenticity, quality time, freedom?
• Or is it something I can gently release because it’s not actually mine to carry?
To me, the “gift” of jealousy is the information it reveals. But I don’t believe jealousy has to be a permanent fixture in relationships. As we evolve — individually and collectively — we can move toward secure, spacious, authentic bonds that don’t rely on comparison or scarcity.
My hope for future humanity is not that jealousy remains inevitable, but that we learn to tend to it quickly and compassionately. When it arises, I try to acknowledge it, understand the unmet need beneath it, and then let it go before it takes root. I don’t want it living rent-free in my mind, shaping my behaviors, or shrinking the love I have to offer.
Jealousy may visit — but we don’t have to let it move in.
Well, I agree with this thoroughly. I've come to think of all feelings as signals. At least I tried to. They are not necessarily good or bad, just indicators, something to be curious about.
And I don't mean to say that jealousy in friendships is always there. Like all feelings, I think it's normal for jealousy to pop in and visit. Maybe envy would be a better word…
Beautifully put! 👌✨
After 2 hours of tears, processing, and editing - here we go:
What does a post about friendship and jealousy
Set-off in me? Let’s just say LANDSLIDE
No denying, my attachment style is a mix
Anxious is like a yearning “hungry ghost”
The connection is cut short so the receiver feels
She never got enough.
Avoidant is a defense from being under fed, yet again.
Connection is devalued as being hurtful over time
Don’t get too comfortable, “all things must pass”.
How to balance the see-saw of hopeful and hopeless?
Be present to the sense of fulfillment moment by moment
Be willing to stretch to keep it going
Be aware that the quality of connection says it all
Allow the universe to honor your energy
With the just right number of beloveds to keep up with :-)
Totally, I wrote a follow up post. I haven't published yet, so many interesting responses.