You are doing a job, with your humanity intact, that is usually reserved for Priests and people of the cloth. The setting you are in adds to the challenge. In those moments you are the Hero, bearing tough news. That is a gift not many have. Our culture doesn’t help us find the language that is soothing, if even possible, when it comes to life and passing.
It sounds like the Avoidant part is acting in the service of a Protector. Protecting the time and place for you to deliver a message, and the time and place for you to process later how that encounter affected you.
I’m willing to bet that this initial writing has lifted a weight from you. I’m looking forward to your future writings. What a lovely gift from wife to husband to all!
Husband…thank you for sharing; I hope you do many more shares. My husband was in your shoes as he learned to interact with my many parts. He was wonderful with my little kids, with therapist/teacher me and with Big AL, my driver. On a humorous note, Big Al got into bed with my husband one evening and checked in to make sure they could fool around, adding…unless you’re feeling homophobic? Fooling around proceeded using a different plan than usual. It was fun! Not so much fun was Katherine me who hated Bernie. But Big Momma comforted little Bernie, before he even knew he had a very hurt little boy inside. Overall it was tough work but we made it through, with his little boy and a few of my parts somewhat intact. So please write again, it was eye opening after all these years, 15, to realize that he had an Avoidant part. I’ll need to think about that some and talk with my husband about it. Thanks again. And enjoy the ride.
I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing your husband’s words.
Not sure why anyone would hate him when he is doing his job so efficiently and empathetically at the same time. Ask husband if he has any tips on developing that compartmentalized personality.
Ha! I was never at work with him, but I do think he was a very good doctor. But I would say the compartmentalization helped and Hurt and equal measure. But at work, it was unequivocally important.
PS - wife - you know I’m trying to read “back to the future” but this was too tempting to put on hold. Also, I knew IFS sounded familiar. I did some research and discerned what I was doing in Los Angeles in the early 70s was called Voice Dialogue. Developed by Hal and Sidra Stone. Everything was going great, until one day Hal said, to the effect of, I was “delicious”. My what-ever you want to call it “self” said I’m outta here - that is sickening - and just like that I vaporized out of his office!
Oh dear! I pulled my comment and edited then deleted, and reposted differently! I got tangled up trying to edit and redit and where did the first edit go??? Oh well - you get my drift and I appreciate you!!
You are doing a job, with your humanity intact, that is usually reserved for Priests and people of the cloth. The setting you are in adds to the challenge. In those moments you are the Hero, bearing tough news. That is a gift not many have. Our culture doesn’t help us find the language that is soothing, if even possible, when it comes to life and passing.
It sounds like the Avoidant part is acting in the service of a Protector. Protecting the time and place for you to deliver a message, and the time and place for you to process later how that encounter affected you.
I’m willing to bet that this initial writing has lifted a weight from you. I’m looking forward to your future writings. What a lovely gift from wife to husband to all!
This will mean so much to him. I guarantee it.
This was a cool piece to read! Thank you for your perspective.
Thank you, but actually my husband wrote this one. The rest are mine, promise!
Oh yes! Lol i got that! I should have said thanks to husband for his perspective! He did great!
Ha! I am proud of him:)
Strong work Dr. Husband. Very relatable..thank you for sharing this beautifully moving piece.
I will pass this along, he will be grateful!
Husband…thank you for sharing; I hope you do many more shares. My husband was in your shoes as he learned to interact with my many parts. He was wonderful with my little kids, with therapist/teacher me and with Big AL, my driver. On a humorous note, Big Al got into bed with my husband one evening and checked in to make sure they could fool around, adding…unless you’re feeling homophobic? Fooling around proceeded using a different plan than usual. It was fun! Not so much fun was Katherine me who hated Bernie. But Big Momma comforted little Bernie, before he even knew he had a very hurt little boy inside. Overall it was tough work but we made it through, with his little boy and a few of my parts somewhat intact. So please write again, it was eye opening after all these years, 15, to realize that he had an Avoidant part. I’ll need to think about that some and talk with my husband about it. Thanks again. And enjoy the ride.
I love this. Thank you for sharing all of the complicated and clearly profound work you have done.
I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing your husband’s words.
Not sure why anyone would hate him when he is doing his job so efficiently and empathetically at the same time. Ask husband if he has any tips on developing that compartmentalized personality.
Thanks again,
Geetika
Ha! I was never at work with him, but I do think he was a very good doctor. But I would say the compartmentalization helped and Hurt and equal measure. But at work, it was unequivocally important.
Wonderful. Great Change of perspective.
Thank you, I will pass that along to Husband:)
Wow. Thank you for sharing this. So many thoughtful ideas in here.
PS - wife - you know I’m trying to read “back to the future” but this was too tempting to put on hold. Also, I knew IFS sounded familiar. I did some research and discerned what I was doing in Los Angeles in the early 70s was called Voice Dialogue. Developed by Hal and Sidra Stone. Everything was going great, until one day Hal said, to the effect of, I was “delicious”. My what-ever you want to call it “self” said I’m outta here - that is sickening - and just like that I vaporized out of his office!
Sounds like a VERY good call!
Oh dear! I pulled my comment and edited then deleted, and reposted differently! I got tangled up trying to edit and redit and where did the first edit go??? Oh well - you get my drift and I appreciate you!!
I do and I appreciate you too!!!