16 Comments
User's avatar
Monique Hutchinson's avatar

I like it. Your dilemma re leaving class really resonates with me. I too struggle with flexibility - but I’m trying (I think!). Your writing style is really easy to read too. Thank you!

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

Thank you for this. And yes, for some of us (me!) flexibility requires a lot of intentionality:)

Dr. Nicole Mirkin's avatar

Greatreminder that some forms of understanding can’t be intellectualized into place. There’s a difference between knowing about something and being reorganized by it, and your story captures that gap with humor and honesty. Presence teaches what preparation can’t.

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

Yes. And pants are a very important part of the work experience!

Eline Kieft, Ph.D.'s avatar

this genuinely made me laugh!!! Thank you for sharing :-)

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

I’m so glad! In my house, all these years later, it’s the gift that keeps on giving:)

Eline Kieft, Ph.D.'s avatar

That’s a nice way of putting it!

Ink and Light by Nat Hale's avatar

This made me smile so much — partly because the pants story is hilarious, but mostly because the point underneath it feels so true. You can study anxiety all you want, but nothing teaches it like that sudden, very real “oh no” moment when the body is already in charge.

Reading this as your friend and as a therapy client, what really landed for me is how much of therapy is about lived experience and presence. From the other side of the room, empathy is the thing I feel most — not techniques or labels, but someone staying with the moment and not flinching. That is what I value most about Mike and what makes the difference between being a project and a person

The pants story works because it shows that so clearly: learning doesn’t always come from the lecture, it comes from being dropped right into the human mess of things. And as someone who’s been helped by that kind of presence, I really appreciate how you put words to it.

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

Gah, thank you!!! The best part though is the giggles we still get from the idea of him showing up for his very big professional job with no pants. Everybody's worst nightmare!

Colleen Bent's avatar

Ha! Loved this story and how you chose to write it made it all the funnier. Good job!

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

Oh wow, thank you for that. This one was fun to write!

Discovering Me and You's avatar

And I bet he never brought the wrong pants again! Loved this story, and important message about having empathy for people still learning from failing

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

Thank you for this! And you are 💯, that was the first and last time he went to work with my pants:)

Dr Christine DiBlasio's avatar

Experience breeds compassion, at least sometimes. The most kind and understanding people that I know have experienced a fair amount of pain—and used that pain to fill their compassion tank.

And as therapists, our own experiences can help build and fill our compassion tanks too.

We don’t have to experience everything that our clients have—but we do have to learn from our own experiences coping with life’s challenges (as if you could avoid difficulties in life anyway). It makes us human. Compassion is the cornerstone of good therapy, allowing for deep connection.

Pants help too.

The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

All of this. Every single word.

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Jul 18, 2025Edited
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The Therapist Who Came Undone's avatar

It was literally straight from a nightmare!